The Green-Eyed Monster

Here I am a born-again Christian, a published author, full-time writer, writing coach and group leader, speaker and teacher at writer’s conferences. I can look you in the eye and say, with all sincerity, I am living my dream. The dream God gave me.

And yet, there are times—way too many times—when jealousy and envy clench my heart. I’m scheduled to teach one class at a writer’s conference and hear a fellow writer will be teaching two. Why her and not me? I’m published and she’s not.

I’m working to get my second book published and I hear where someone has signed a three-year contract for nine books. To quote Charlie Brown, “AAUGH!”

I find myself ankle deep in the pond of self-pity, about to take the next step which will plunge me up to my nose. And the water is thick, pulling me deeper.

And then, I hear a voice. Not always audible but deep inside and loud enough to grab me by the hairs on the back of my neck and lift. “Had enough of the pity party yet?” It’s amazing how many times I want to say, “No, not yet,” even as the gunk is seeping into my nose.

He pulls me out anyway and we walk and talk. And He reminds me of His plan for me, for my life, for my writing. The only thing I should compare myself to is that plan. Am I doing what He led me to do? Whenever I compare myself to someone else, I will always be left with the short end of the stick. I will always see them as better, more successful and myself as the loser.

My peace, my satisfaction comes from doing what He wants. My path is different from anyone else’s. He has gifted me in ways different from others. His gifts enable me to be me and to minister to others in unique ways. And He has blessed me beyond anything I can dream or imagine.

My peace comes from trusting Him. I am where He wants me to be, doing what He wants me to do, serving those He wants me to serve.


18 Responses to The Green-Eyed Monster

  1. Lyndie Blevins April 11, 2012 at 3:07 pm #

    Yes, you are. But I know the feelings

  2. carol mcclain April 12, 2012 at 1:11 pm #

    Why are heroes and heroines always green-eyed? That awful monster grabs me often. But I’m proud to have a Father who loves me whether I’m great or not. Pure love erases all sin.

  3. Lori Freeland April 12, 2012 at 1:17 pm #

    Without incriminating myself too much, let me just say–YES to JEALOUS. I was just praying about this very thing. I so don’t want to be jealous. I want to have joy over everyone’s success. But often I’m frustrated.Just read a book by a NYT best seller that head-hopped EVERY OTHER PARAGRAPH. I threw the book against the wall and cried. Sad, right?

  4. Carla wicks April 12, 2012 at 1:29 pm #

    Very good and oh how I need this.

  5. Rachelle April 12, 2012 at 1:49 pm #

    Thanks Henry. So encouraging as always!

  6. Connie Leonard April 12, 2012 at 2:49 pm #

    Good insights.
    I think it’s always important for us to remember that although we are all created in His image, we are each created uniquely with a oersonal plan and purpose to serve in the world. Whenever we feel our peace ebbing, it’s good to ask if we are using our gifts to fulfill His will.

  7. Dorothy Ward-Winters April 12, 2012 at 2:58 pm #

    How ironic you should write that just now. On FB I put a short note about how envious I was of women who were thinner and better educated than I. An hour later I deleted it because I thought how very immature and selfish that statement.

    I’ve just got to get my blog going so I can write more than a short sentence or two.

    Thank you for your answer to our selfish envy. It is from doing what He want us to do.


  8. DiAne Gates April 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm #

    Henry, I appreciate your transparency this morning. Thank you. Through the years I have struggled long and often with this same battle. A well-known preacher says, “Satan speaks to us in first-person-singular, with a southern accent.” And we fall for it every time.

    Our only hope? Walk close to the Lord Jesus and live in the power and might of His word so that there is not a smidgen of space for anything else. And when you learn to do that all the time, please let me know how.

    The battle does in fact belong to the Lord because we often attempt to fight this battle in our undershorts – out of uniform and in our own power.

    DiAne Gates

  9. Mark Sylvester April 12, 2012 at 3:43 pm #

    God is my kayak. I never sink into self pity. No, I stand up and jump overboard. More often than I care to mention. But, in His mercy, He defies His laws of physics, tips over and scoops me up before I go under for the last time. The vessel is dry and ready. I grasp the paddle (His hands) and move forward. His still, small voice whispers, “Let’s try this again.”

    Thanks Henry

  10. Henry April 12, 2012 at 11:06 pm #

    Thanks, Mark. He is so good to protect us from ourselves.

  11. Henry April 12, 2012 at 11:07 pm #

    Thanks, DiAne.

  12. Henry April 12, 2012 at 11:10 pm #

    And I appreciate His patience and faithfulness with me.

  13. Henry April 12, 2012 at 11:12 pm #

    Thanks, Connie, for the reminder to always check in with Him when there’s disquiet in our spirit.

  14. Henry April 12, 2012 at 11:12 pm #

    Thank you, Rachelle.

  15. Henry April 12, 2012 at 11:13 pm #

    Thanks, Carla. I’m glad this blessed you. Encourages me to keep writing what He puts on my heart about these things.

  16. Henry April 12, 2012 at 11:14 pm #

    Thanks, Lori. Keeping our eyes on what He’s called us to do can be very hard some times, especially when we see others succees who seem lack the integrity we value.

  17. Henry April 12, 2012 at 11:15 pm #

    Thank you, Carol.

  18. Henry April 12, 2012 at 11:15 pm #

    Thank you, Lyndie

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