Here I am a born-again Christian, a published author, full-time writer, writing coach and group leader, speaker and teacher at writer’s conferences. I can look you in the eye and say, with all sincerity, I am living my dream. The dream God gave me.
And yet, there are times—way too many times—when jealousy and envy clench my heart. I’m scheduled to teach one class at a writer’s conference and hear a fellow writer will teach two. Why her and not me? I’m published, and she’s not.
I’m struggling to get an agent and I hear where someone signed with the first agent they pitched to. And another author signs a multi-book contract with one of the top five houses. To quote Charlie Brown, “AAUGH!”
Soon, I find myself ankle deep in the pond of self-pity, about to take the next step which will plunge me up to my nose. The water is thick, and the current is strong, pulling me deeper. Why them and not me becomes my mantra.
And then I hear a voice. Not always audible, but deep inside and loud enough to grab me by the hairs on the back of my neck and lift. “Had enough of the pity party yet?” It’s amazing how many times I want to say, “No, not yet,” even as the sludge of envy seeps up my nostrils.
He pulls me out anyway and we walk and talk. He reminds me of His plan for me, for my life, for my writing. The only thing I should compare myself to is that plan. Am I doing what He led me to do? Whenever I compare myself to someone else, I will always be left with the short end of the stick. I will always see them as better, more successful and myself as the loser.
My peace, my satisfaction comes from doing what He wants. My path differs from anyone else’s. He has gifted me in ways different from others. His gifts enable me to be me and to minister to others in unique ways. And He has blessed me beyond anything I can dream or imagine.
My peace comes from trusting Him. I am where He wants me to be, doing what He wants me to do, serving those He wants me to serve.
How have you handled the attacks of the green-eyed monster?